The Coveted First Move

Posted by Tilia

Earlier today, I was chatting on AIM with a soldier friend over in Iraq whom we’ll simply refer to as Military Guy. When I met MG in college, he was majoring in business, living in a house notorious for boho parties full of crazy scene kids, where the next day there would be inevitable conversations about the guy with the taser, or who punched out Bill and stole all his DVD’s.

MG was incredibly laid back and easygoing, the type of guy who’d rather listen to “clean” stand up comedy or go play pool at the bowling alley than participate in some of the more eccentric diversions of our little crowd of film kids (whom he was connected to through his roommate, the guy who was throwing the parties).

So, obviously it was a big surprise to all of us when he decided to enlist. Since his entry into the Military, he’s become a lot more conservative and a bit harder to have good conversations with, though it’s a wonder we’re able to chat it up online while he’s supposed to be roughing it in the desert. Whatever.

So, I was ranting about Guitar Guy, and how he doesn’t really need to make a grand gesture, he just needs to go wait for me in the abandoned stairwell, and MG expressed, first surprise, and then an admission that he’d always wanted me in college, but that he was afraid to make the first move.

Considering MG and I went out on a number of what could be considered dates, this infuriates me. There was even an occasion once, where he fell asleep on my couch, and the next morning, I crawled onto it with him with two cups of tea, and we spooned for like 30 minutes without him ever making a move. Later, he admitted (online) to wanting to have made a move.

This extreme display of passivity has completely turned me off to MG, whom now, I don’t think I can ever be attracted to again. I mean, for God’s sake, I crawled onto a couch with you, if that isn’t enough of a green light, I dunno what is. His whiny response was that guys shouldn’t have to do all the work, but as far as I’m concerned, there should at least be a meeting halfway.

And, after all, how do you misinterpret spooning? Defensively, he said, “Well, after a while, I thought you were just getting comfortable.”

Honestly, MG? After a while, I was just getting comfortable.

Maybe that’s unfair, but one of the most attractive traits a guy can have, in my eyes, is to be proactive. Earlier this summer, I found myself attracted to someone I’d never have given a second glance to because he decided to express interest and pursue me, after being impressed by my thesis film. That he was attracted to my talent and not my breasts was already some brownie points, but that he took initiative was really the deal closer.

Unfortunately, upon viewing a few more of my projects, he became attracted to the talent of the lead actress in one of my music videos, and is now dating her. Oh well, I suppose irony happens.

We never made it to the roller coasters date we had planned, but I at least had confirmation of his (temporary but extreme) interest when he showed up to a completely dead party to hang out with me after graduation, and then came into the hot tub with me, after I fell in, fully clothed.

Anyway, we never got to kiss, because I just never get to that coveted make out session or beyond. But, I didn’t give him the flashing green lights that I gave to MG or Guitar Guy, or a variety of other men in my past.

Sure, maybe I should just lean in and do it, but pulling all the weight makes the guy seem emotionally flaccid to me, and I no longer want to. Plus, I’d like to have a little more experience before having to be the initiator.

Are the slightly cocky, charming, first-kiss initiating men of my fantasies simply lore?

Probably.

 

~ by Tilia on July 14, 2008.