The Story of Mr. Grey and I: Part 2…Leading To Intermission

So the only thing keeping Grey and I from practically consummating what already was a relationship was this teeny weeny detail of him having a girlfriend. As Tilia would put it, he is officially a ‘Gwag.’

 

Now I know this is not a unique case scenario and many women (and men for that matter) fall into the category of wanting what they can’t have. But what I find most upsetting about this particular instance was his disinterest in her in his pathetic excuse for our continuous confusion. And yes I include him because he became increasingly confused of his inability to call it off with her since we had such amazing chemistry and were now hanging out ‘alone’ on a regular basis; going to plays, going to eat, staying after class and going to the student union, ANYTHING mind you that would keep our conversations and companionship going. Both of us made very strong efforts to keep this up and I couldn’t possibly recall every detail. Well actually, I can recall most of them, but by the time I wrote it all down the length may very well equal ‘Gone With the Wind.’

 

But there were two instances in particular that I remember things beginning to shift from ‘close friends with attraction’ to ’sexual tension gone wild.’ Both made me especially angry, which made me question this strangely powerful emotional attachment.

 

The first was the afternoon we attended a play at the National together, which both of us was eager to see. Having a good time, he didn’t seem to want to part ways afterwards. Which made me thoroughly confused when he said he had to walk down to the Globe to meet his girlfriend when she got off work! As I began to trot myself down to the tube, feeling like a complete cuckold, he asked me if I wanted to come and have a drink with them. A part of me visualized an enormous red light, telling me to stop whatever this was this very moment. But sadly, the part that won decided to go. Which, in retrospect, makes me wonder if by doing so, he realized we were just friends. However, his girlfriend didn’t think so. (I wonder why)

As we sat outside the steps talking, she came out, surprised to see me. (We had met once before at a previous event and knew we were classmates) She asked me if I had gone to see the show at the Globe and bumped into Grey. Feeling very nervous and awkward at this moment, as I’m sure Grey did too, I sort of waited for him to respond. “No,” he said “We were just at the National seeing a play.” I wanted to die. Not only because I felt like my mother had just found my secret stash under my bed filled with cigarettes, I realized how suspicious she became of me right then and there for the first time. She had no idea what Grey was up to.

 

So I (stupidly) joined them for a drink as she stared me down, barely talking to me the whole time. Grey seemed completely clueless, not noticing the tension growing between she and I. He happily carried on conversation as usual. (barely incorporating his girlfriend may I add) This quite possibly tops the charts as the most awkward time I ever drank a mojito.

 

The second, which happened in the same week, was the night Grey spontaneously asked me to go to a play with him directly after class because he had a spare ticket. He knew, by the way, I wanted to see it, because at this point we essentially knew almost EVERYTHING about one another.

So I decided to naturally take him up on the offer. When we got there, we ran into our classmate formerly known as Tom which Tilia insists on calling ‘Royce’ and his girlfriend, who eventually sat by us and made it feel like a double date in every sense. They spoke to each other as we spoke to each other before the play began. It was at this time when I attempted to pay Grey back for the ticket. He replied by saying, “Don’t bother.” I insisted, as part of me didn’t want to be that dreadful ‘other woman’ even though I really wished he would break up with his almost nonexistent girlfriend. He later admitted that the ticket was indeed, his girlfriend’s, and she ended up not wanting to go!. Not only was it her ticket, but paid for with her money! Now this was not going to help my karma along any…not to mention his. We then joined ’Royce’ and his girlfriend for food and a drink, which continued to feel even more like a double date as he attempted to act worried I wasn’t eating enough. He also bought my drinks.

Bastard.

 

As the end of the school year progressed, I found him constantly asking questions about my future plans. At this point I was planning to go back to America, so this was another reason I knew he wouldn’t bother breaking up with her. The last time we saw each other was over lunch last August, when he promptly became very nervous, asked me if “it was hot in here” scratched his head numerous times, took his sweater off, and  literally bounced his knees up and down, making the table shake. A part of me wanted to tell him exactly how I’d felt about him the entire year, as I was almost sure he knew to some extent, since I was even almost sure he felt the exact same way about me. But a part of me just wanted to end it, in order to not feel any kind of regret. So I never told him.

 

And I regret it.

 

He walked off into the distance past Trafalgar Square, I packed my bags and returned to America, thinking I’d get over him in time. Little did I know I was going to be moving back to London not even a year later. And after one failed relationship in between, I realize I’m still not completely over him.

~ by Jane on July 21, 2008.